Musings: All By Myself
Last night, amidst procrastination and mild panic, I had a revelation: I don't ask for help because I'm afraid that people will let me down. It reveals itself in all kinds of situations like doing more than my share of work on a group assignment, not inviting people to my events face-to-face, not asking for last minute favors. And what does it result in? A feeling of isolation, this creeping fear that I don't have a friend I could call a three in the morning. The root of this whole ordeal is my own pride. I don't want people to see the messiness that exists inside of me. I don't want to have to deal with the aftermath of asking for help and being let down. And so I sit and wish that someone would see my struggle and come through for me.
Last night, amidst procrastination and mild panic, I asked for help, multiple times. And you know what? People came through, multiple times. How humbling and challenging. Humbling, because all I really needed to do was humble myself and ask. Challenging, because now that I know the joy of receiving aid, I want to find joy in sharing aid.
Just a little thought. I'd love to hear yours.
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