Last night, amidst procrastination and mild panic, I had a revelation: I don't ask for help because I'm afraid that people will let me down. It reveals itself in all kinds of situations like doing more than my share of work on a group assignment, not inviting people to my events face-to-face, not asking for last minute favors. And what does it result in? A feeling of isolation, this creeping fear that I don't have a friend I could call a three in the morning. The root of this whole ordeal is my own pride. I don't want people to see the messiness that exists inside of me. I don't want to have to deal with the aftermath of asking for help and being let down. And so I sit and wish that someone would see my struggle and come through for me.
Last night, amidst procrastination and mild panic, I asked for help, multiple times. And you know what? People came through, multiple times. How humbling and challenging. Humbling, because all I really needed to do was humble myself and ask. Challenging, because now that I know the joy of receiving aid, I want to find joy in sharing aid.
Just a little thought. I'd love to hear yours.
Share the love,
Taylor
I have been working on that habit of mine for quite a while. It's a strange cycle- I don't ask for help because I don't think I need or want it (even if I do), which results in feeling very lonely or helpless. I have found that, when I do finally let people in to help, I appreciate them so much more because I can see their amazing skills and huge hearts.
ReplyDeleteIsn't that such a nice surprise?!
ReplyDeleteI have struggled with this as well. Sometimes I'm much better at asking for help but other times, it makes me feel weak. But I always feel much better when I'm able to face my fears and just ask. I'm glad you're learning how to do this for yourself :) It's all about finding a balance--knowing when you are capable, and knowing when you need to reach out. Humbling is the perfect word for the situation.
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